Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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