Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
