apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
this is an emotional support booty call
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