It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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