Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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