i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
