Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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