im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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