Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
