is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
