I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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