Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize