She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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