I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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