My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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