He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
