Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize