got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
