Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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