i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
