This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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