I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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