oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
