Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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