Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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