Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
