Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
