To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
