my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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