Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
