I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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