Can i not drive my cunt home
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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