the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
