We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
