when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
