Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
