Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
