you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
