I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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