I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
