Pappa wants mamma naked
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I intend to get homeless drunk
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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