i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
