pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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