The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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