I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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