Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
