I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
