So drunk its hurt
i was born a porn star she said
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
