it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
