she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
