Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
