hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
