You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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