i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
