fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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