it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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