my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
