can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
