I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
