i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize