Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So. Much. Porn.
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