I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize