please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
