just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
