I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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