Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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