Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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